Stuff Swedish People Like: Eurovision Song Contest

Swedes just can't get enough of the Eurovision Song Contest. It's Europe's answer to the Oscars, and it's loved by most of Europe, except for the leading cultural countries, who couldn't give a darn. The Swedes love goes back to the 70's when ABBA won, and Sweden just have been bonkers for the ESC ever since. Every year it is the same story, the tabloids are pumping up the Swedish electee, who is featuring a tune with maximum mass appeal, into a masterpiece, and the artist is suddenly the coolest thing since Elvis.



In Sweden, ESC has been exploited to the maximum, making it into a marathon of around eight saturday nights, where around 50 artists compete. The winner will be overhyped in media the months up to the ESC finals, and must be prepared to expose every inch of their private life to the adoring masses. In fact, if there was a political election in this period, the ESC-electee could probably become the PM of Sweden as well. These shows run on public service TV, and have the highest viewer rank of all Swedish TV. Commercial free, can you believe it?



The artists are the usual suspects, some of them just appear once every one ot two years for the ESC from out of nowhere, and are seen as super stars by the ESC-fans. Some of them might be on welfare the rest of the year, but when they are on ESC, it's back to the limelight. Free drinks! Free dinner! Another category is the pop star of ten years ago, who might have had a few hits and now is middle aged, and below the radar. They are reintroduced as "legendary performers" and will soon have gigs at company parties for years lined up.



Another kind is the mail order bride-types from small towns. Usually with huge bleached blonde hair and clothes bought from paper catalogs, these down to earth type of homespun girls will appeal to the Swedish masses from the heartland (outside of the six or seven bigger cities). And of course there is a huge gay crowd showing up year after year, some in, and some out of the closet. There are a few divas, who all have won the Swedish ESC, and even two of them who have won the total. Now you might get a feel of how big of a deal the ESC is in Sweden. The two ESC-winning ladies are pimped to the max, with fixed grills (teeth), and nipped and tucked both here and there.



If you want to get aquainted with a Swede, you can just say something like: °Do you think Carola will stay with that Kricken-dude?" or maybe, "Oh, why can't they just let that Sanna Nielsen win the Swedish competition already, she's as good as Celine Dione, and her clothes are totally cool!" and if it's this week: "Malena's opera thing might just work among all them eastern block countries!"



What happens finally, has been this scenario for the past five years: Swedish media hypes up the Swedish electee into orbit, claiming a sure win, and the ESC-title we so justly deserve will once again be ours. Then we end up in the bottom five, since all the eastern block countries have a voting pact (or maybe just not the same taste as us), and the Swedish artist is considered a total loser by the media, and most Swedes, and would be better off beheaded by the king, than returning to Sweden.